not Everyday reflection & Happiness
Everyday if we could ask ourself the following questions: - How did the day go? - What success did I experience? - What challenges did I endure? - Who did I interact with? Anyone I need to update, to thank, to ask question with, to share with? - What do I plan to do? .........I believe things will change with small thoughtful savings.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
After Aiweiwei.....I enjoy thinking too much
Monday, April 23, 2012
Change bad habit, how?
1. 做事拖拉,不遵守时间;
2. 睡觉太晚;
3. 做事情虎头蛇尾;
4. 做事情很容易被打搅。
为什么会这样做:
1. 做事拖拉,不遵守时间;4. 做事情易被打搅
觉得要做的事情有难度,不一定能在计划的时间内完成;
对要做的事情不感兴趣,即使知道很重要;
e.g.比如写报告的时候,隔一会就要查一下邮箱,查一下facebook。
奖赏:通过循序渐进的方式降低事情的难度。制定计划的时候可以比预想的时间更宽松一些,不必急于求成。要有长期的(一个月,一)和短期的(一天)计划。找出做一件事的意义,积极的意义,培养对它的兴趣。
2. 睡觉太晚;
当天想要做的事情没做完,但是又不想做。而且还不想再拖到明天。很矛盾。
奖赏:一天不要安排太多的事情,眼大肚子小。一天能做好三件事就可以了。剩下的就算是奢适品了。
3. 做事情虎头蛇尾;
比如学习吉他,学习西班牙语
因为急于求成,总是想的半年就可以做到。
奖赏:同样是想清楚自己究竟是为什么要做这件事。比如学习西班牙语,在短时间内是用不上的,只是因为好听,会说的人多,以及我想去南美旅行做志愿者的愿望。做好长期的准备和计划,准备一次西班牙的旅行。
行动:
写下我想要做的事情,以及原因, 意义;
制定一个计划,不要太紧密,要留有空余;
循序渐进。
原文:
我们中的大多数人都想改变一下自己或者自己的人生。我们吃得太多。我们抽烟。我们不锻炼身体。我们身陷错误的职业。我们花钱太多,攒钱太少。我们爱上不该爱的人。
一些人想改变一些东西,一些人则想彻底改变他们的人生面貌。
但我们能改变人生吗?如果能的话,该怎样做呢?
查尔斯•杜希格(Charles Duhigg)可能已经找到了改变人生的金钥匙。
杜希格是《纽约时报》(New York Times)的一名记者,他花了三年时间采访研究人员、营销专家和神经科学家,以期更好地了解大脑的运作机理以及如何将相关知识运用于我们的日常生活。
他在自己的新书《习惯的力量》(The Power of Habit)中发布了研究的成果。
结论是:大多数时候我们是靠自动驾驶仪行进的,而我们却没有真正了解这一点。我们在很大程度上受习惯而不仅仅是自觉选择的控制。
他写道,“习惯是我们在某个时候有意识做出的决定,然后我们就不再思考了,而是一直这样做下去,通常是每天如此。”
就连陷入危机的人也能够用这种知识改变他们的人生。
我们不可能忘掉坏习惯。战胜坏习惯的方式是学习新的、更好的习惯。
这本书开头讲述了“莉萨•艾伦”(Lisa Allen)的故事,莉萨•艾伦是一位年轻女士,她战胜了自己的坏习惯。一开始,她超重、酗酒、吸烟,背负着债务,也没有工作,她的丈夫也刚刚离她而去。而几年之后,她成功瘦身,不再酗酒吸烟,有了工作和收入,生活走上正轨。她去跑马拉松,买了房子,订了婚,并开始念硕士学位。
她的这番转变是从她下决心改变一个“基石”习惯开始的,她戒了烟。随后,其他变化一个接一个地发生了。
杜希格称,习惯是一种神经学现象。神经学家对莉萨•艾伦大脑的扫描图像进行了研究,发现“与她的老习惯相关的一套神经系统模式已被新模式覆盖。他们仍能观察到与她过去的行为相关的神经活动,但这些脉冲已被新的脉冲挤占。莉萨的习惯改变了,她的大脑也随之改变了。”
但你该怎样改变坏习惯呢?
杜希格称,麻省理工学院(Massachusetts Institute of Technology)的研究人员认为,所有习惯都可以分解为三个步骤:提示、习惯(他将其称为“惯例”)和奖赏。
触发习惯的第一步是提示,比如经过一家点心店,喝一杯咖啡,等等。奖赏是习惯真正要满足的某种渴求。
改变习惯的诀窍是先辨别出这三大要素,然后让它们向更积极的方向转变。
他以自己的亲身经历为例来详加说明。杜希格说,有段时间他不断长胖。他是如何改变这种状况的呢?
1. 找出坏习惯。
杜希格注意到自己长胖了。为什么?是什么发生了变化?他意识到自己每天下午都会在工作之余休息一会儿,走到《纽约时报》社的餐厅,吃上一大块碎巧克力曲奇。
2. 找出习惯的奖赏。
你要寻找的真正奖赏或回报是什么?换句话说,在杜希格的案例中,当初他形成这种习惯是为了追求何种回报?他在试图满足什么渴求?
你可能认为答案是明摆着的。吃曲奇不就是因为想吃曲奇吗?
这可不一定。吃曲奇是因为想吃东西吗?是为了打发下午三点左右的无聊吗?是以此为借口溜达一下吗?还是为了借机与同事们在餐厅里聊天?
有意思的是,杜希格并不了解确切原因,研究也显示,大多数人都不了解这其中的原因。
他说,“我们通常意识不到我们行为背后的渴求。多数渴求事后回想起来都是显而易见的,但当我们处于它们的控制之下时,却极难发现。”习惯本身与习惯背后的真正奖赏或真正渴求之间其实存在巨大差别。
你该怎样找到奖赏呢?杜希格推荐了一个简单的三步走技巧:试验、记录、等待。
第一步是试验:尝试不同的其他习惯,看你能否感受到同样的奖赏。
吃曲奇的习惯是否仅仅是溜达一下的借口呢?于是杜希格尝试以散步来代替吃曲奇。
吃曲奇是不是因为想吃东西?于是他尝试在办公桌上放一个苹果。
第二步,每一次试验之后,尝试写下你脑海中最先出现的三件事,可以写下“情绪、随想、有关你的感觉的反思,或者就写下你脑海中出现的头三个词。”
为什么要这样做?研究习惯问题的科学家发现,做笔记这种行为的功能非常强大。(认知行为治疗师也认同这一观点)。杜希格写道,“它能迫使人在一瞬间意识到自己的想法或感觉,”还能帮助你在一段时间之后回想起这些情绪。
第三步,做完这些之后,他等待了十五分钟。他定了闹钟。当闹钟响起来之后,他问自己:你现在还觉得特别想吃那块曲奇吗?
杜希格说,这十五分钟是关键。比方说,如果在吃完苹果或者散完步十五分钟之后,你仍然觉得很想去餐厅的话,那你就还没有找到什么是真正的奖赏。
通过大量的试验以及翻阅你的笔记,你应该能够辨别出与你的习惯相关的真正奖赏。
3. 找出提示。
一般来说,我们的习惯是由某些东西引起的。你在喝咖啡的时候会随手点一根香烟。你吃过饭会想吃冰淇淋。诸如此类的例子还有很多。要想克服坏习惯,我们就应该找出提示。
科学家已经发现,提示一般可归入五个范畴:地点、时间、情绪状态、其他人、习惯临发生前的行为。
杜希格的提示是什么呢?为找到提示,他一直等到渴求来袭,然后他记下五件事:我在哪里?现在是几点?我的情绪状态是什么?旁边有哪些其他人?渴求临出现前的行为是什么?
几天后,他分辨出了他的提示:时间。
每天下午3:30左右,他总想放下工作消遣一下,他说,就是那种跟朋友八卦几句的消遣。
并不是人人都跟莉萨•艾伦一样。但我敢肯定,每个人都希望甩掉自己的某些习惯。
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
It is really strange...
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Listening = understanding?
Every time as I read articles with titles such as "listening is an art", I close it up with a confident thought that "I am good at listening". Until recently, I met two friends who allow me to reconsider my way to listen to people. One is accepted by everybody that is good at listening; the other one criticized often that I am a poor listener. Thanks to the appearance of both of them at the same time, I started to look back at myself and think how to improve.
So normally when I communicate with people, I noticed, that while they speak to me, instead of processing and analysing their information, I am always quite anxious thinking about....how should I respond. What should I reply to be less embarrassed, or to be impressive. It is cool to generate more and more topics and sometimes creative links, however, while meeting more and more new friends, it becomes boring...as if I am repeating my CV every time when applying a job. When I pay attention to my friend who is good at listening, I can feel that she is following the thought of the speaker. While she responses, she thinks on behalf of the speaker. Or in another word, put herself in the shoe of the others. In this way, the speaker is encouraged to talk more, and more useful information will be obtained.
Understanding the people is 100 times more important than exchanging superficial information. Because the communication on ideas/minds are more valuable than judgements.
To think further (thoughts are like networks, they are always interconnected :)), I used to be afraid of making new friends, talking with unknown people, perhaps I cared more how people will think of me instead of to really understand them. If I can be better at listening to people, bring them laughter and positive feedback, I think I should never have difficulties in making friends.
Think even more....I do noticed, that a lot of Chinese students I met abroad, we are lack of a good sense of humour. I don't want to generalize people, but when I was brought up, our parents, teacher, hardly tell us how important it is to have fun, to amuse people and being amused. As I remembered from high school, it is always about "achieving a successful career", "making your mother school feel proud of you","be a fundamental pillar of your country", but nobody told me how to enjoy my life, how to have fun. I guess this is the main value differences inter-cultural, which always makes me want to live abroad.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Few thoughts
Since i came to the netherlands, i have always been thinking the differences between the “foreign“ culture and chinese culture. From my part time work, my studies and many interesting or nonsense talks with friends...the most distinctive differences would be “stand up for my rights“.
Last week I went with fancy nancy to shoe shop. In front of a same pair of cute heels which do not match any of our size, we made rather different decision. She bought the shoe and determine to return them if she doesnt feel comfortble after a week. I decided just not to buy them, because i feel hard to ask for return. Today also my dutch friend tells me while he works with chinese engineers in china, he founds them always cannot make decisions. Insdead, they prefer to obey what the leader says. Same as few days ago when i attend a dutch culture lecture, more than half of the time was devoted on the assertiveness of dutch people. One important message is it is your own right to defend/present your opion, also to agree/disagree with other people.
From this point of view, i was weak. Sometimes i dont really pay attention of what rights do i have. Of course i lose the chance to self defense. Partly because i come from a shy family, also i guess the chinese are confused with their rights by the communist party. You dont really know what is your rights, and how to use them. But here at least in nl, you need to stand up for rights for everything, like a part of everyday life. Comprise is sad, unless it aims a winwin situation. Respections based on rights.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
你喜欢做什么,什么就有价值
也许最近接触了很多各异的人,让我对自己曾经的价值观有很多反思。在很久以前(至少是两年以前),我对成功的人的理解就是有钱人,有车子房子和睦的家庭。可是现在再回头看,觉得那时候的自己很幼稚。成功是一个很模糊的词,就像是飘浮在海面上的浮标一样,有些人看它深,有些人看它浅,时刻都在随水位变化,观察的角度不同,对成功的理解也不一样。在我看来,只要一个人达到了一个他想要的目标,就是成功的。不管这件事多么渺小和卑微。我们也没有权利带着各种“标准”去衡量他的努力。有这样一个朋友,27岁之前,常常是一边在酒吧打工,一边做志愿者帮助从(尤其是)非洲国家逃难的难民,教他们语言。在那里遇到她现在的丈夫,从塞内加尔逃难过来。28岁她申请读大学,学习“和平”(peace studies),又去塞内加尔待了两年。现在大学毕业了,照旧是一边在冰淇淋店做侍者,一边做志愿者。上大学,只是为了增长知识,为了了解自己真正感兴趣的事情。每次和她聊天,我都能从她的眼神看出来,她每一天过得很快乐和坦然。
记得最近有一篇文章,写的是很多人越来越不愿意去参加同学会,因为大家总是会最终忍不住的开始攀比和炫耀自己的财富。很多时候我们过于在意别人对自己的评价,而忽略了自己真实的想法,以及自己真正想要的东西。害怕会被别人嘲笑。其实一些学者曾经做过调查,80%嘲笑过你,或者赞美过你的人,事后根本就不会记得自己说过什么。真正和自己过不去的,是我们自己。
我曾经提醒过一个开小商店的朋友-- 每天不停的工作15个小时,还要应付小偷,警察(类似于城管的),和来要保护费的人--我劝他去读大学,找一份”正式”的工作。短信写了一堆,人家就会了一条:“我过的很开心。” 我觉得我很傻,凭什么要把自己认为正确的事情强加到别人身上。我本科毕业的时候,还不是一样不知道自己怎么稀里糊涂的就读了一个专业。如果能在选一次,我宁愿不去上大学,先做一些实际的工作,然后看自己需要什么,再去学什么。
又扯到了结婚的话题,因为很多人不结婚,晚结婚,生孩子但是不结婚,离婚,做一辈子男女朋友。大家的观念都统一在:“如果结婚,那就一定要找你认为一辈子都适合的人。否则就不要委屈自己。”为什么倒退三十年就是截然不同的现象呢。也许是诱惑太多,就不容易被满足了吧。我以前觉得每个人都要结婚,可是现在也渐渐能理解那些在等待的人的心情.有个特别敏感的朋友,每次跟他聊天都觉得他一直在挣扎着做选择。跟第一个女朋友已经订婚了,又分手了,因为她打他。第二个女朋友对她很好,可是他又觉得没恋爱的感觉,分分合合的。我指着墙上挂着的索马里难民营的孩子的照片叫他想开点,世上有一半的人口还没有干净的水喝,没有结实房子住。你放松点。
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Buzz - Way to free mind
People are too busy using time today on their daily job: submit reports to their boss, making judgement over other people's clothing & habits, and spending time read newsletters/advertisements,etc, that we hardly have time to sit quietly and set our mind free from such constant actions/conversions. Sometimes we end up with giving priorities to a seemingly short-term benefits, but no added value in long-terms. I am also stuffed with practices and exceptions everyday without give the mind a break -- just to stay in a state that not to bother about anything yet accept everything.
So.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
some notes for public relation plan
Audience | Description |
Potential donor | With the profile of microfinance or renewable energy, ethic-minded |
Conventional Media | Newspaper, press release. |
Online Media | Facebook, twitter, blog; in field of development |
Potential loan beneficiaries | Low-middle income, with micro-business, preferable female. |
Activities | Description | Budget |
Earth day campaign | A warm-up campaign for the formal luncheon, gather media’s attention | Preferable less than 50 Euro |
Formal Luncheon | Including a formal presentation about the program and a word from CEO and a Chair/member of its board. The invitees would be potential stakeholders of donnors (existing and potential future donnors), other big NGOs working in Micro finance, Private sector companies interested in clean energy. Once a year. | About 1000 Euro *http://www.theater-concordia.nl/zalen.pdf |
Annual report | Report to donors: include research studies and evaluation of the project. Once a year. | About 500 Euro for 50 copies. *Printing Costs – 6 Euro plus 0.01 Euro/ page |
Online media update &follow-up | Facebook, twitter, newsletter. Monthly update. | 0 |
On site campaign in SL | To attract potential loan beneficiaries, and create positive image of the project. Activities could be community meeting, entrepreneurship training, financial advice, dancing night, etc. Preferable 3 times a year. | 200 Euro. *Food, transportation, accommodation and drinking money for community leader. |
Formal orientation in SL | Keep good relationship with local government, chiefdom, NGOs and religious leader. Once a year. | 500 Euro. *Food, transportation, accommodation, and presentation material. |
Step 5: Scheduling